Why a lot of young women are choosing to step back and focus on themselves.

Let’s be honest, relationships at our age takes a lot of energy and time. I know some might say they will take a lot of time at any age, but I feel like at this age it takes twice the energy.  

At this age, everyone is busy trying to build a foundation and figure shit out. 95% of our energy is being put into school, work, building brands, and building businesses, especially us young Black Women. This is not back in the day and we are no longer staying at home depending on the man to bring home the bag.


We out here securing our own bags. The only way we staying at home is if our bag is being secured from home. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m all for letting a man take care of the household and lead but also believe in keeping my own money coming in just in case.

I feel like when it comes to relationships you’re basically expected to be a wife before you get the ring. You’re expected to do this and that, to act like this and not like that, to understand and support him mentally and physically. 

Now .. I’m not saying it’s all on the young men because I know they have a lot to deal with and battle daily also, but this one is for the ladies.  

I’ve spent a lot of my time from when I was 18 until now on a relationship roller coaster. One thing I’ve noticed about young women is that we spend a lot of our time trying to give love, but we forget to give it to ourselves. We spend a lot of time trying to be for others and forget to be there for ourselves. 

Who am I outside of a relationship?  

What am I like when I start giving the love that I give to others to myself?  


It's not about seeing other men. 

It's not about being single so we can wild out.  

It's about taking time to ourselves so we can get to know US. It’s about taking the time out to transform into the best version of myself so I can be that bomb ass wife one day.  

I can't tell you how many times I’m asked do I plan to get married after I graduate. I’m going to be honest, I would love to get married one day but it’s not at the top of my goals list. It’s actually at the bottom. I agree with the “let’s stop making our daughters feel like the most important thing in life is to get a mans attention and get married.”  

We are not rushing anymore, we only trying to do it once so we’re focusing on our goals for right now and letting everything else flow naturally.  

I love seeing so many Black Women creating their own legacies to leave behind. I love seeing so many women choose themselves.  

Choosing yourself teaches you your worth. You’ve already fallen in love with yourself so you know how to call bullshit quick when you see it. You know that your peace is worth more than putting up with anyone’s bullshit just to be able to say you have someone.  

Choosing yourself allows you to heal and focus. It also takes strength and courage because you have to get over the idea of being alone and feeling like you need someone to feel complete.

I see a huge change with our generation. A change that’s needed.

Young women are getting degrees.

Young women are starting businesses.

Young women are writing books.

Young women are learning and unlearning.

Young women are breaking generational curses and it feels good to be a part of shit.